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  • Writer's pictureStand-Up Comedy Historian

The First Comedy Sketch I Wrote: Titties Unlimited

I've got another SUCH writing sample for you all.


This time it's for one of my favorite things: gratuitous nudity in old, often PG-rated films!


Troy McClure knows what's up!


As a bisexual woman who finally came out in 2022 (a few weeks after Rothaniel premiered, so Jerrod Carmichael inspired me to be honest with myself), I have been obsessed with women's breasts for a LONG time, since high school really.



And I always secretly enjoyed the goofy shots in movies where a woman's bouncing breasts are inserted just to appeal to teenage boys (I assume).


The '70s and '80s were particularly TEEMING with movies that included random boob shots: Revenge of the Nerds, Animal House, Weird Science, Back to School, etc.


One of the quintessential examples of this phenomenon is Airplane! that has a scene of a lady just running in front of the camera, jiggling her breasts, and then running off. You don't even see her FACE! Clearly a joke, but it accomplishes the same thing as any other film with gratuitous nudity haha.



Anyway, here's a sketch I wrote in college about the phenomenon as described in this excellent Medium article. As a reminder, this was written in the early aughts when getting nudity online was a huge process, families still shared computers, and download speeds were abysmally slow unless you had Ethernet—things are very different now in the smartphone and #freethenipple era. Enjoy!



Sketch:


Announcer: Making a movie that is lackluster at best? Need an extra something that will make your film better than all the rest? Well, look no further than Titties Unlimited!!


[show company's name]


Announcer: Yes, Titties Unlimited has helped hundreds of films and guarantees a dramatic increase in your movie's profits or your money back!


How does Titties Unlimited give your movie that extra "umph" [sic] above all other flicks out there?


Here is how it works:


First, you send us a copy of your movie. It can be a comedy, a drama, a documentary...any genre.


Next, our certified technicians take whatever you have already filmed and splice in all new footage!


That's right...gratuitous nudity editted [sic] right into your movie! We've got a huge stockpile of ta-tas, boobies, melons and, of course, hooters aplenty.



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