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  • Writer's pictureStand-Up Comedy Historian

Welcome to Jurassic Park (a parody of “Welcome to the Internet”)

For his seventh birthday today, my son requested that I finish our version of Welcome to the Internet with new lyrics about one of his favorite movies.



Well, here you go, sweetie!


Happy birthday, and I love you to the moon and back! 💗


My son and me in One Year Inside


Welcome to Jurassic Park, a parody song by Jessica and Logan Friedman


Welcome to Jurassic Park!

Have a look around.



Any creature from the past you think of can be found.



There’s mountains of dino poop.

Some better, some worse.

If none of it’s of interest to you,

You’d be the f…BILLIONTH!


Welcome to Jurassic Park!

Come and take a seat.

Would you like to have a dinosaur spit venom at your feet?


There's good reason to panic.

This is a new test (haha).

Just nod or shake your head, and we'll do the rest.


Welcome to Jurassic Park!

What would you prefer?

Would you like to run from a T-Rex

Or hear a math guy purr?



Be mopey!



Be silly!



Be freed from a cage!



We’ve got a million different ways to engage.


Welcome to Jurassic Park!

Put your cares aside.

Here’s a Mr. DNA film.

Here’s a bald lawyer who died.



We’ve got pachys and compys and

raptors galore!



And a dilophosaurus that will cut open your belly so you can see all your guts spill out (haha), welcome to Jurassic Park!



Hold on to your butts!



Cuz a random guy took dino embryos to get a cut.



They are tiny and female.

He just added more!



Don’t act surprised, you know he lied on the tour!



See the water moving, it's a dino over there.



She can smell your very presence, so you better be aware!



Hop in the Jeep, don't make a peep.

No time for sleep, you're in too deep.

"Spared no expense"; this is too tense.

Shocked by a security fence and then.



Here's a girl with computing skills!

She's a UNIX shark.



Here's a boy with special goggles!

He can see things in the dark.



How many will be standing?

Who could even know?



John Hammond should have never played God

All those years ago.



CHORUS:


Could I interest you in “magic word” all of the time?

A little bit of “magic word” all of the time?

Type it very quickly or the customers will die.

“Didn’t say the magic word” all of the time.



Could I interest you in “magic word” all of the time?

A little bit of “magic word” all of the time?

Type it very quickly or the customers will die.

“Didn’t say the magic word” all of the time.


You know, it wasn't always like this.


Not very long ago, just before the park.

Isla Sorna had no fun; we were in the dark.



But there were amber bugs,



Corporate hugs,



A miner or two.



We set our goals and filled those holes,



Waiting...for you, you.


Excitable you.

Mommy let you go with Grandad.

It was just you two,

And he showed you the wonders of DNA too.



Now look at you (ah)!

Look at you, you-you-ou,

So reachable, teachable.


Your time is now, you have no doubts.

Honey, how you grew!


And if we work together, who knows what we'll do.

It was always the plan to put the dinos on land.



HA...hahahahaha!!


CHORUS:


Could I interest you in “magic word” all of the time?

A bit of “magic word” all of the time?

Type it very quickly or the customers will die.

“Didn’t say the magic word” all of the time.



Could I interest you in “magic word” all of the time?

A little bit of “magic word” all of the time?

Type it very quickly or the customers will die.


Didn't say the magic word and didn't say the magic word and didn't say the magic word and all of the time!



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