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  • Writer's pictureStand-Up Comedy Historian

Jem (a parody of "1985")

Updated: Dec 16, 2022

Here is my version of "1985"—but instead of it being an ode to Bo's father Scott, this focuses on my sweet dilute tortie named Jemima that we adopted from a local animal shelter in July 2019.


Enjoy!


Jem:


She's a really cool cat

She's got cool fur

She's got cool whiskers

Did I mention the fur?



If you ever got the chance to meet her

You'd know why I want to be her



She walks into a room and everyone coos at her (everyone coos at her)

She sleeps all day and doesn't let the world affect her (let the world affect her)

She's really happy, she meows from 9 to 5

Her name is Jemmy Friedman, the coolest cat alive



CHORUS:

Jemmy, coolest cat alive

Jemmy, coolest cat alive

(Jemmy Friedman)

Jemmy, coolest cat alive

Jemmy, coolest cat alive


She's got a mouse and cat tower, how does she do it?

Balances naps with her eating a can of cat food


She's got all the answers that I want to know

How can I be what I am but rest all day or so


Gee whiz, she cleans her own cute paws

She purrs and whips her tail while she flexs her sharp claws


I guess it's true that some felines really gotta fight to survive

And some felines are Jemmy, the coolest cat alive



CHORUS


Wait!


It wasn't easy being Jemmy ALL the time

She was born on the frigid streets of Philly

Scrounged for food and a place to sleep

And she gave birth to some kittens that she never sees

I misspoke



I don't mean to make her life seem like a perfect dream

I think I just meant my cat adopted in '19


Jemmy, coolest since '19

Jemima, coolest since '19

(My cat Jemmy)

Jemmy, coolest since '19

Jem Friedman, coolest since '19



(JEM)

I want to be my cat

(JEM)

I want to be my cat

(JEM)

Before COVID

My oblivious gray cat in 2019

(JEM)

My cat was adopted as a mother

(FROM BLACK CAT CAFE)

My cat is happier than I am


Rather than having a house, job goals, or a drive

I would want to be my Jem, the coolest cat alive



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